The weather here has been crazy the last few days. We had a few days of sunny, almost-warm weather followed by a big rainstorm with high winds. Meanwhile, number of new COVID-19 are on a gradual but continued decline here in Massachusetts, and there are murmurings of a gradual re-opening. Of course, the rest of the United States is not doing nearly as well.
After spending a few days of letting myself grieve over the state of things, and the great expectations that won’t come to pass, I’m starting to focus on the small things. I’ve been focusing on making breakfast, experimenting with eggs, bacon, sausage, bread and butter, and doing my best to stay calm and mindful through it all. My local Zen group had their online meditation session together yesterday. It’s been good to have a point of stability in a time where each day is somehow largely the same, but differently chaotic.
In the end, grief is an entirety. It is doing the dishes, watching Netflix, reading a book, Zooming friends, sitting alone or, indeed, shifting furniture around. Grief is all things reimagined through the ever emerging wounds of the world. It revealed to us that we had no control over events, and as we confronted our powerlessness, we came to see this powerlessness as a kind of spiritual freedom.
While powerlessness (and it’s distant cousin, learned helplessness) are things I wish only on my worst enemies, there is a certain freedom and peace in narrowing your focus to just the things that are immediately within your grasp. While it’s hard to stay focused on making breakfast, doing my work, eating dinner with the roommates, and keeping a proper bedtime, the days I successfully do it, I feel better and stronger. While it’s ok to give productivity a pass, activity seems to be good for the soul.
As I’m sure I’ve said before on here, there isn’t much that most of us can do in this time. But most of us can stay at home and away from other people. And all of us can wear masks, wash our hands, keep proper distance, stay safe, stay sane, and take care of each other.